2019-07-28 - DID YOU KNOW?

7.31.2019

What would happen if China decided to invade America?

7/31/2019 01:31:00 PM 0
What would happen if China decided to invade America?


What would happen if China decided to invade America?

                               


Americans would piss their pants from laughter.
Invading America is legitimately impossible. You know the saying “Never invade Russia in the winter”? Well this is Russia, but on steroids and the steroids are on steroids. China will be facing 4 MAJOR problems and if they over come them, then they MIGHT have a chance of successfully invading America. We will go through each of them in depth.
  • The US Navy
  • The US Military
  • The 7,000 mile journey from China to mainland USA then the 3,000 mile march from the west coast to the east coast through every climate and geographical area known to man
  • The US civilian population
First problem: The US Navy
The first problem China will have to face is the largest (in terms of tonnage) navy in the world. The US navy surpasses any navy in terms of tonnage by nearly 3 million tons. This is mainly in part due to have 11 of the largest naval vessels around known as aircraft carriers or more specifically the Nimitz Class Carriers and 1 Ford Class Carrier. These behemoths carry 90 aircraft of which 44 are fighter aircraft such as the F-18 Super Hornet and the F-35 Lightning II or the first operational carrier borne 5th generation stealth fighter.


China will also have to deal with 68 of the worlds most advanced destroyers known as the Arleigh Burke class destroyer. 
These destroyers are loaded to the teeth with tomahawk cruise missiles that could effectively wipe out a small army with 5 of them and each destroyer carries around 56 of the missiles. 
Then we can’t forget the infamous US submarines. The 64 we have at sea comprises of the Los Angeles class, Virginia class, and the infamous Seawolf class submarines. 
We also have 18 Ohio class submarines, and these are ballistic missile submarines which can launch nuclear tipped missiles (NOTE: 4 of the 18 have been changed to carry tomahawk cruise missiles and not nuclear weapons). The biggest issue for China with the US navy which is on par with fire power, is distance. Most of China’s naval assets are diesel powered, which as we all know need to be refueled. Without any refueling ports, anything that runs off of oil will need to stay back at home. You might say, well why don’t they make oil tankers and the subs or the boats can surface and they can refuel. 





Well to that I say read up on Type XIV submarine the Germans tried to make submarines that carried fuel to refuel the U-boats to extend the range. Problem is that when submarines are surfaced and are idling, they stick out like a hungry baby at 3AM, also any surface vessel from China would instantly pop up on radar and a massive strike fighter squadron would intercept along with missile attacks. Also, it should be noted that the US navy has the SECOND largest Air Force in the world. That’s right a single branch has more planes than any other country by nearly 200 planes.
Now let’s say China does get through the entire US navy, which is an impossible feat on its own. But for answers sake let’s say they do.
Second problem: The US Military
We can’t forget the 4 other branches! If some how the Chinese got through the US Navy, now they have to deal with the landing phases. We can effectively count out any aerial invasion as the US Air Force would intercept hundreds of miles out at sea, also the longest transport plane range for China is the Shaanxi Y-9 whichwhich is 3,500 miles or about 2,000 miles short of the shortest distance between the USA and China. 
And aerial refueling is a no go either because the farthest range for a tanker is 3,700 miles and the tankers have no place to land because the nearest island to the USA is Hawaii and that’s 6,500 miles from China so the planes still can’t make it to the Island.
 And remember all the planes need to get back to China. So which cuts the tankers distance in half to 1,850 miles. So the tankers could give the transports another 1,850 miles which is STILL 1,650 miles short of America. China could theoretically do it if they are willing to loose their entire tanker and transport fleet. And then we can take out all fighters and bombers because all the fighters and bombers max combat range is 1,000 miles and below. So China effectively has no air support. 
And to make it worse, all the transport ships China has, don’t have enough range to get to the USA and back! But let’s take range of the transport ships out of the equation and they have unlimited range.
They would be effectively taken out miles away from mainland USA from either the US Air Force or the M270 MLRS. But let’s say they get though and they begin to land in California. 
They now have to fight 200,000 US military personnel that are fighting on their home soil for their home along with hundreds of planes and helicopters for support. And the Chinese are fighting on an unknown terrain, 7,000 miles away from home with no air support or supplies.
Third problem: The Journey
As stated above. China and the US are far apart for a lack of better words. 
Moving the amount of troops and supplies needed to invade the USA is impossible and it would be a logistical nightmare for any military. 
The amount of troops, bullets, food, water, living supplies and everything in between would be absolutely astronomical. And then if some how some way they overcome the impossible. 
They have American geography to deal with. It would be Urban Warfare, Arctic Warfare, Mountain Warfare, Open Warfare, and Jungle/swamp Warfare. Urban warfare with all the HUGE American cities like Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York. Arctic Warfare in the northern states and the mountains. Mountain warfare in the Rockies, the Sierra Nevada, and the Appalachian mountains. Open Warfare in the entire MidWest as it’s insanely flat and no cover, then you have jungle/swamp warfare in the southern states, mainly in Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and Florida. 
All of these warfares would be fought simultaneously such as urban, mountainous, and arctic warfare in Denver. Or Arctic and Mountain in the Rockies. Moving tanks, troops, and supplies through mountains is an impossible feat. Then moving the same stuff through the plains and the jungle is impossible again due to being susceptible to attack’s and they have no where to hide. Also, in urban warfare, every single floor would need to be cleared, and that’s a major challenge in of its self.


*all photos from America*
By now the armies have to be exhausted. But America is just getting started.
Fourth problem: Civilian population
Americans are deeply patriotic, we might just be the most patriotic country in the world. Tying into the 3rd problem, we have the American People. When the troops and supplies are moving through all the different areas, they will have to face off against the United States People. 
We have 103 guns PER 100 people or about enough guns for every American and giving a second gun to all the veterans. Then, we have nearly 2 TRILLION bullets. 
America would form militias and harass and destroy any invading force. They would be fighting around 120+ million pissed off Americans fighting for their home soil. All together they would be facing nearly 300 million Americans who would band together to help each other while nearly 100 million would fight.
We already have dozens of organized militias filled with armed Americans both civilians and ex-military. Such as the 3 percenters, Arizona Border Recon, and the Texas Lightfoot Militia. All these plus millions more would band together to fight for their home and for their loved ones against any invader.


Looks like a real military squad doesn’t it?
Overall, if China decided to invade America, it would be suicide and just flat out stupid. No country on earth could or would invade the USA because it would cost millions of lives and trillions of dollars to invade a place that would probably not stay under your control for long due to the uprising of Americans.

7.30.2019

What are some of the costliest mistakes ever made in history?

7/30/2019 01:43:00 PM 0
What are some of the costliest mistakes ever made in history?






When the Jin dynasty underestimated the Mongol Horde.


The painful thing about this, is that the Jin didn’t just underestimate the Mongols once, but several times. These mistakes resulted in one of the deadliest series of conquests in history.



In the 12th century the Mongols were a group of nomads living on the edge of civilization in northern Asia. They were expert horsemen, and had perfected the art of firing a bow while riding, which made them dangerous on the battlefield.


The Mongols had submitted to Chinese rule for centuries, and were constantly at war with other nomadic tribes in the region. Many of these wars were instigated by the Chinese as a means to keep the tribes divided.

Then Genghis Khan came to power, and united the various nomadic tribes of Northern Asia.


As Genghis Khan grew more powerful, and more tribes joined his cause, the Jin watched on. The Jin dynasty was one of the most powerful nations in East Asia. They had hundreds of thousands of soldiers at their disposal, one of the largest populations in the world, and some of the most advanced technology.


Despite their advantage, the Jin completely missed the ball when Genghis Khan rose to power. When the tribes were still divided the Jin could have easily defeated them, but instead they actually allied with Genghis Khan to defeat a mutual enemy, the Tatars.


As Genghis Khan expanded his power he began to raid the borders of the Western Xia dynasty, a state in central China.


(You can see the Jin in blue, and the Western Xia in Green)
These raids eventually turned into a full scale Mongol invasion of the Western Xia. The Emperor of the Western Xia repeatedly requested support from Jin, but the Jin dynasty refused to send assistance. They wanted to watch their two enemies, the Xia and Mongols, destroy each other, and didn’t consider the Mongols a great enough threat to get involved.

This was another fatal mistake, the combined armies of the Western Xia and Jin could have potentially defeated the Mongols and saved the lives of millions of people, but the Jin were too consumed in their own self interest to send assistance.

The Mongols surrounded the Western Xia capital of Yinchuan and forced them to surrender. A major factor in the decision to surrender was that no help was coming from Jin. Had the Jin sent help, the Western Xia could have potentially continued the war.

By now the Mongols controlled most of North Asia, including the Western Xia who became a vassal of the Mongol horde.


At this point the Jin could have begun preparations for war, but didn’t respect the Mongol threat enough. They could have drafted hundreds of thousands of soldiers, but instead wasted precious time tending to their own matters.

In 1211 the Mongols launched an invasion of the Jin dynasty. The Jin army that was sent to meet them was much smaller, undertrained, and horribly led. It was a mere fraction of the several hundred thousand troops the Jin could have had, if they respected the Mongol threat enough and had adequately prepared.


The Jin leadership balked at the ensuing Battle of Yehuling and missed an opportunity to attack the Mongols first in terrain that was ill suited for the Mongol horsemen. Instead they sent diplomats to try and negotiate peace, wasting time, and allowing the Mongols to formulate a plan to defeat them. The army was crushed and the Jin missed an opportunity to defeat the Mongols before they could further establish themselves in the region.

The Jin held off the Mongols for decades, a testament to how powerful the Jin actually were, but eventually they collapsed and were absorbed into the Mongol Empire.


In the end, the Jin dynasty made several disastrous mistakes. From failing to attack the Mongols first, to refusing to aid the Western Xia, to allowing Genghis Khan to become so powerful. The root cause of many of their mistakes though was overconfidence. They underestimated the power of the horde, and overestimated their own ability to defeat it.


The result of their indecision, overconfidence, and repeated mistakes was one of the deadliest military conflicts ever.

During the century after the invasion of Jin, the Mongols launched military campaigns across Eurasia that led to the deaths of as many as 40 million people. Some scholars argue that Mongol expansion also contributed to the spread of the Black Plague which killed an additional 200 million+ people. Regardless of whether the plague is connected or not, the Mongols killed a lot of people.


We are basically looking at one of the deadliest series of conquests in history, surpassed only by World War II, and possibly the Taiping Rebellion.

The cost of these wars was horrific. Tens of millions of lives lost, cities across Eurasia sacked, and entire regions depopulated for centuries to come. All this devastation came about because the Jin dynasty made the mistake of underestimating the power of the Mongols.

7.29.2019

What is the most badass military operation in the history of humans?

7/29/2019 06:58:00 PM 0
What is the most badass military operation in the history of humans?


What is the most badass military operation in the history of humans?





Adolf Hitler puts Field Marshal Erwin Rommel in charge of the Atlantic Wall and as the commander of Army Group B, his order's are to defend German occupied Europe from an Allied invasion. Athough the D-day landings were a success in Normandy, the Allies continued to suffer heavy losses; this is in no doubt due to the leadership of Rommel.

On 25th July 1944, an six man SAS team parachuted into France with a mission: To kill or capture Field Marshal Erwin Rommel. The killing option… the most preferred outcome in Operation Gaff…

“Stand-up!” an RAF despatcher instructs six heavily armed SAS paratroopers to do so, they are now approaching their intended Drop-Zone. “Tell off for equipment check!” The RAF despatcher shouts above the noise.

“6, OK!”… “5, OK!”… 4, OK!”… “3, OK!”… “2, OK!”… And finally, Captain Jack William Raymond Lee who's in charge of the six man team of ‘cut-throats' shouts, “1, Portside stick-OK!”
The despatcher leads the stick towards the door, and the red light is indicated to Captain Jack Lee, resting his hand up on the fuselage, he waits for the light to to turn green. His mind goes back to the briefing they had on the 20th July 1944…

“Captain Jack Lee, back in March ’43, feasibility reports were made into how to kill Rommel.” The six man SAS team looked at each other with opened mouths. Brigadier McLeod was the man briefing the SAS team, and he was also the man assigning them for this mission, “Well, because of our continued and the mounting losses after D-day; this is partly, due to the Desert Foxes exceptional leadership and marshalling abilities… Monty has agreed for the plan for him to be removed from the picture.”

“Is that to kidnap him Brigadier?” Jake Lee asks.

“To kill Rommel would obviously be easier than to kidnap him and it's preferable to ensure the former rather than to attempt and fail the latter.”

The team briefing continued, they're told that the HQ of ‘Heeresgruppe ‘B' is at La-Roche-Guyron in the area of Rambouillet and that it'll be the place Rommel is HQ'd. Hiding up for two days, so they can conduct a close-target-recce of their objective until they are ready strike. The SAS team are also tasked with destroying petrol dumps and also target the transportation systems, this would severely damage the nazi war effort.

“OK gentleman, if there's no other questions, you'll be parachuted into La-Roche-Guyron, on Tuesday 25th July.”

“GREEN LIGHT ON!… GO!!!” And with that, the six man SAS team jump out of the aircraft. All six descended to earth like birds of prey, just like the sparrowhawk. Once all six landed safely, they collected their equipment and then they patrol off to find a suitable hide for their OP.

17th July 1944 - As Field Marshal Erwin Rommel was returning to his HQ after visiting a SS Panzer Corps; near Saint-Foy-de-Montgommery, there's two Hawker Typhoons on a sortie.

Fighter pilots Charley Fox of 412 Squadron RAF, along with his wing-man Ed Prizer are the ones at the controls, “Red One… this is Red Two, large black car travelling at high speed, on my left 11 o'clock!” Charley informed his wing-man, “Looks like someone important.” It was, no other than Rommel himself. The Typhoon went in to attack, and started firing at approximately 300 yards strafing the car, causing it to crash.


Rommel thrown from the car and suffered some very bad head injuries, he was immediately hospitalised and in such a critical condition they thought he was not going to make.

28 July 1944 - A young lady from the French Residence has managed to make contact with Captain Jack Lee, the meeting is at a prearranged rendezvous. “Bonjour, Capitine. I've information about Rommel.” she continued, “His car was attacked by the RAF’s fighter planes, he is now in hospital.” So, that plan was over before it even started.


“Set the fuse for a 30 minute delay.” Jack Lee said to one of his men, whom at the very moment was laying an explosive charge on a railway line for a train that'll be arriving in 30 minutes. Jack Lee continued going over the plan, “And once the Germans have all their resources here dealing with this, we'll be attacking their HQ in the town of Mantes.”

As planned the German forces were dealing with the derailed train and the carnage caused by the explosives. 

The SAS team then begins the assult, one of Jack Lee's men acts as fire support he has the Light-Machine-Gun and has started to fire a ‘hailstorm’ of bullets into the Germans HQ. Captain Jack Lee along with the other team members make a right-flanking attack into the back of the building, as soon as they ‘posted' the grenades through the doors and windows they then go in systematically clearing the building. This assult resulted in 12 German soldiers killed.


On the 12th August when they linked up with the advancing American forces and in doing so it ended Operation Gaff. The six man SAS team had (apart from the Germans HQ), had derailed several trains and destroyed a number of trucks.

I've tried to tell this story in a how-I-saw it way, when I'm able to; so… that, in my opinion is the most badass military operation in the history of humans.

Nefertiti QUEEN OF EGYPT

7/29/2019 04:00:00 PM 0
 Nefertiti QUEEN OF EGYPT



 Nefertiti QUEEN OF EGYPT





Nefertiti, also called Neferneferuaten-Nefertiti, (flourished 14th century BCE), queen of Egypt and wife of King Akhenaton (formerly Amenhotep IV; reigned c. 1353–36 BCE), who played a prominent role in the cult of the sun god known as the Aton.




Nefertiti’s parentage is unrecorded, but, as her name translates as “A Beautiful Woman Has Come,” early Egyptologists believed that she must have been a princess from Mitanni (Syria). 

There is strong circumstantial evidence, however, to suggest that she was the Egyptian-born daughter of the courtier Ay, brother of Akhenaton’s mother, Tiy. Although nothing is known of Nefertiti’s parentage, she did have a younger sister, Mutnodjmet. Nefertiti bore six daughters within 10 years of her marriage, the elder three being born at Thebes, the younger three at Tell el-Amarna.

Two of her daughters became queens of Egypt.

The earliest images of Nefertiti come from the Theban tombs of the royal butler Parennefer and the vizier Ramose, where she is shown accompanying her husband. In the Theban temple known as Hwt-Benben (“Mansion of the Benben Stone”; the benben was a cult object associated with solar ritual), Nefertiti played a more prominent role, usurping kingly privileges in order to serve as a priest and offer to the Aton. 

A group of blocks recovered from Karnak(Luxor) and Hermopolis Magna (Al-Ashmunayn) shows Nefertiti participating in the ritual smiting of the female enemies of Egypt. She wears her own unique headdress—a tall, straight-edged, flat-topped blue crown

By the end of Akhenaton’s fifth regnal year, the Aton had become Egypt’s dominant national god. The old state temples were closed and the court transferred to a purpose-built capital city, Akhetaton (Amarna). Here Nefertiti continued to play an important religious role, worshipping alongside her husband and serving as the female element in the divine triad formed by the god Aton, the king Akhenaton, and his queen. 


Her sexuality, emphasized by her exaggeratedly feminine body shape and her fine linen garments, and her fertility, emphasized by the constant appearance of the six princesses, indicate that she was considered a living fertility goddess. 


Nefertiti and the royal family appeared on private devotional stelae and on the walls of nonroyal tombs, and images of Nefertiti stood at the four corners of her husband’s sarcophagus.


Some historians, having considered her reliefs and statuary, believe that Nefertiti may have acted as queen regnant—her husband’s coruler rather than his consort. However, the evidence is by no means conclusive, and there is no written evidence to confirm her political status.


Soon after Akhenaton’s 12th regnal year, one of the princesses died, three disappeared (and are also presumed to have died), and Nefertiti vanished. The simplest inference is that Nefertiti also died, but there is no record of her death and no evidence that she was ever buried in the Amarna royal tomb. 


Early Egyptologists, misunderstanding the textual evidence recovered from the Maru-Aten sun temple at Amarna, deduced that Nefertiti had separated from Akhenaton and had retired to live either in the north palace at Amarna or in Thebes. This theory is now discredited. Others have suggested that she outlived her husband, took the name Smenkhkare, and ruled alone as female king before handing the throne to Tutankhamen.


 There is good evidence for a King Smenkhkare, but the identification in the 20th century of a male body buried in the Valley of the Kings as Tutankhamen’s brother makes it unlikely that Nefertiti and Smenkhkare were the same person.



Nefertiti’s body has never been discovered. Had she died at Amarna, it seems inconceivable that she would not have been buried in the Amarna royal tomb. 

But the burial in the Valley of the Kings confirms that at least one of the Amarna burials was reinterred at Thebes during Tutankhamen’s reign. 

Egyptologists have therefore speculated that Nefertiti may be one of the unidentified bodies recovered from the caches of royal mummies in the Valley of the Kings. In the early 21st century attention has focused on the “Younger Lady” found in the tomb of Amenhotep II, although it is now accepted that this body is almost certainly too young to be Nefertiti.


Amarna was abandoned soon after Akhenaton’s death, and Nefertiti was forgotten until, in 1912, a German archaeological mission led by Ludwig Borchardt discovered a portrait bust of Nefertiti lying in the ruins of the Amarna workshop of the sculptor Thutmose.

 The bust went on display at a museum in Berlin in the 1920s and immediately attracted worldwide attention, causing Nefertiti to become one of the most recognizable and, despite a missing left eye, most beautiful female figures from the ancient world
TOP QUESTIONS
  • Why is Nefertiti so famous?
Nefertiti was a queen of Egypt and wife of King Akhenaton, who played a prominent role in changing Egypt's traditional polytheistic religion to one that was monotheistic, worshipping the sun god known as Aton. An elegant portrait bust of Nefertiti now in Berlin is perhaps one of the most well-known ancient sculptures.

  • What was Nefertiti's reign like?
Some historians believe that Nefertiti may have acted as her husband’s coruler rather than his consort, but the evidence is not conclusive. Nonetheless, she played an important religious role, worshipping the god Aton alongside her husband. Representations of Nefertiti with her six daughters suggest that she was also considered a living fertility goddess.

  • What was Nefertiti's family like?
Nefertiti’s parentage is unrecorded, but there is strong circumstantial evidence to suggest that she was the Egyptian-born daughter of the courtier Ay, a maternal uncle of her husband, Akhenaton. She had a younger sister, Mutnodjmet. Nefertiti bore six daughters within 10 years of her marriage, two of whom became queens of Egypt.

  • How did Nefertiti die?
 Soon after Akhenaton’s 12th regnal year, one of the princesses died, three disappeared, and Nefertiti vanished. The simplest inference is that Nefertiti also died, but there is no record of her death and no evidence that she was ever buried in the Amarna royal tomb. Her body has never been found.

7.28.2019

Gareth Bale’s proposed China move off after Real Madrid board block deal

7/28/2019 05:09:00 PM 0
Gareth Bale’s proposed China move off after Real Madrid board block deal



Gareth Bale’s proposed China move off after Real Madrid board block deal




Gareth Bale looks set to remain at Real Madrid, a club that does not want him, after the board blocked his lucrative transfer to China.

The Wales winger had been expected to join the Chinese Super League side Jiangsu Suning on a three-year deal. That move is now off after Real decided it did not represent good value.

With the Chinese transfer window to shut at the end of July and the English window not long afterwards, Bale looks set to spend another season in Madrid. This despite having effectively been frozen out of the team by Zinedine Zidane.

Bale joined Madrid from Tottenham in 2013 for a then world-record fee of £85m. He has won four Champions League titles with the club but has been sidelined by Zidane since he returned to Madrid this spring for a second spell as the manager.

After leaving Bale out of a pre-season game against Bayern Munich last week, which Madrid lost, Zidane said he hoped the player would be sold. “We hope he leaves soon,” Zidane said. “It would be best for everyone. We are working on his transfer to a new team. I have nothing personal against him but there comes a time where things are done because they must be done.”

Bale had expected a move to China and reportedly agreed a three-year deal with Jiangsu Suning worth £1m a week. But the Real board, led by the president, Florentino Pérez, decided the fee was insufficient.

Conan Doyle's Adventures of Gerard

7/28/2019 03:51:00 PM 0
Conan Doyle's Adventures of Gerard






Conan Doyle's Adventures of Gerard





Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was during his own lifetime as celebrated for his historical fiction as for his detective stories. Among his most popular works in this genre are the two volumes of short stories concerning the life and the adventures of Etienne Gerard. The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard was published in 1896 while Adventures of Gerardfollowed in 1903 (these tales had started appearing in the Strand magazine in 1894 and the final Gerard story dates from 1911).

Etienne Gerard is a hussar officer in Napoleon’s army who has been described by no less a judge than the Emperor himself as having both the stoutest heart and the thickest head in La Grande Armée.

Conan Doyle took his historical fiction seriously. He considered his works in this genre to be his greatest achievements. On the other hand he was 



always a commercial writer and entertainment was the first priority. The best of his historical novels, the two Brigadier Gerard collections and the two novels about Sir Nigel Loring, The White Company and Sir Nigel, manage to be both serious historical fiction and amusing and outrageous yarns.

This ability to be amusing while taking his subject matter seriously is a rare accomplishment and one is tempted to make comparisons to George MacDonald Fraser’s Flashman novels (such as Flashman and the Mountain of Light). There are differences of course. Gerard is genuinely brave, even if he is at times a fool. Flashman is a coward. But there are definite affinities. Conan Doyle adopts a mock-heroic style, with Gerard (who narrates the tales) treating his own idiocies as acts of extraordinary martial skill and glory. They are both men whose fame as soldiers is not entirely deserved. Gerard is a brave and well-meaning but not very intelligent bungler who has occasionally managed to do heroic things mostly by luck, although he considers himself to be a brilliant officer. Flashman is a coward and a scoundrel who has occasionally managed to appear to have done heroic things mostly by luck. So in both cases the author is taking a rather sceptical view of military glory.

The Crime of Brigadier Gerard presents Colonel Gerard with a fine opportunity to win honour. His mission is to singlehandedly scout out the Lines of Torres Vedras, the formidable line of fortifications that Viscount Wellington had constructed to defend Lisbon. Marshal Masséna has personally selected Gerard for the mission. It does not work out quite as planned. Gerard finds himself in the midst of something far more important than mere military manoeuvres - he blunders into a fox hunt. The English of course cannot possibly do without their fox hunting even in Portugal so they have imported both foxes and hounds. 


Gerard however does not quite appreciate just what a solemn occasion this is.


It’s a typical Gerard story, with Gerard doing his best to be heroic whilst being blissfully (and amusingly) unaware of what is actually happening.



How Brigadier Gerard Lost His Ear takes place in Venice, which Napoleon’s army is energetically and efficiently looting. 



The Venetians are outraged and some are exacting private vengeance on the French invaders. Gerard almost finds himself a victim of such private vengeance, although in his case there is more involved. There is a lady involved. Gerard of course will do anything for a lady. In this instance what he has to do is rather surprising. Another fine story.


In How the Brigadier Saved the Army Gerard is given a very important mission. The French are on the retreat but are being harried by Spanish guerillas.


 A large detachment of French troops will be left behind, and will be doomed, unless Gerard can light a beacon fire to tell them to fall back on the main army. To light the beacon Gerard will have to travel miles through guerilla-infested countryside. In this story Gerard demonstrates the extraordinary and very genuine courage of which he is capable, and it demonstrate his unbelievable capacity for making a thorough mess of things but somehow muddling his way through. A very enjoyable tale.


Gerard is often heroic and often absurd and in Brigadier Gerard at Waterloo he manages to be both at the same time. It’s also a story in which Gerard’s delusions about his own importance reach ridiculous but rather touching extremes. He is entrusted by the Emperor with a vital mission which cold determine the outcome of the battle. Of course it doesn’t but it does give Gerard the opportunity to save the Emperor. 


The fact that this ends up being a futile lost cause adds a further touch of melancholy amusement (and if you think melancholy amusement isn’t possible you need to read this story).


The Brigadier in England covers the period Gerard spent in England after being captured. Much of this time was spent in congenial surroundings at the home of Lord Rufton. Gerard spends his time leaning to play cricket (a most bloodthirsty game, or at least it is the way Gerard plays it) and getting mixed up in a complicated romantic intrigue in which Gerard as always doesn’t quite understand what is going on although he thinks he does. An amusing little story.



How the Brigadier Joined the Hussars of Conflans tells us of Gerard’s first day with the regiment that was to be so important to him. Gerard immediately makes himself ridiculous with his outrageous boasting, and then proceeds to demonstrate that he really is as brave as he says he is, almost singlehandedly capturing the city of Saragossa. Some fine swashbuckling here.



How Etienne Gerard Said Good-Bye to his Master is a poignant and quixotic tale of an attempt to rescue Napoleon from St Helena. You have to admire Gerard for refusing to abandon his allegiance to the Emperor. All the Gerard stories are recounted by the elderly Gerard some time in the 1850s or thereabouts and he never wavers from his loyalty. 



How Etienne Gerard Said Good-Bye to his Master is a poignant and quixotic tale of an attempt to rescue Napoleon from St Helena. You have to admire Gerard for refusing to abandon his allegiance to the Emperor.


 All the Gerard stories are recounted by the elderly Gerard some time in the 1850s or thereabouts and he never wavers from his loyalty.


The Marriage of the Brigadier was the last of the Gerard tales to be written (in 1910, several years after the publication of The Adventures of Gerard) but chronologically it’s the first of the stories, taking place in 1802. In peacetime Gerard finds time for love, and he discovers true fear. He fears no man, but an enraged bull is another matter. And the bull acts as an unexpected match-maker. A slight but amusing story.



The Gerard stories are an absolute delight. Gerard is a buffoon but he is a brave buffoon. His belief in his heroic stature never wavers and is sublimely unaffected by reality. The Adventures of Gerard is highly recommended.